On nights like this, I remember why love is something that I try so hard to avoid. I’m skilled at, masking my feelings to the general public, but when someone I love hurts me, it just continues to dwell. I ask God what is my destiny? Who am I meant to be with? What career path should I follow? Will the dreams that reoccur every time that I close my eyes come to fruition? Some of the worst pains that I have felt is watching relationships fail that I put my entire all into. But why put my all into another person? What about my dreams? Some say that a person can be your dream, but I find that inapplicable to my life. Call a man or woman your dream, or perfect, and watch them fail every time. All these questions weigh my on my mind late at night. Change is so hard. Stepping out of my comfort zone is, umm uncomfortable. I have no idea where I am at in my life, but I do know where I want to go.
It will take hard work and bravery. The work ethic I have, the bravery, not so much. This world scares me and Mama taught me at a young age that this world does not owe me anything. And it will take. The people in it will take. I miss being wide-eyed, innocent, and sweet. Now I fear to trust. I fear to let anyone into my heart after they show me that they can potentially break it.