Life Love Relationships

Domo’s Love Debacle..

I am going through a breakup. Well, no, I am going through the consequences falling back in love with an indecisive ex. I am not one to bash anyone’s character, especially since he has some very strong personality traits. My mother had been hospitalized and even after a four month hiatus of no communication, he was there for me, and in no time I was back to being helplessly devoted. We made time for each other every other day, we called each other every night, I cooked, he ate, and he’d sleep with his head on my chest. I had lied to myself. He and I were not together. I had to take a step back into reality. Where was all this going? How long would we be in a relationship with out commitment or title? Recently, I had asked my ex if he wanted to be with me. He said no. He said that he did not want to be with anyone right now, and that his professional life was more important than his personal one. He just wants to be friends. I explained that friends do greet each other with kisses and squeeze each other in the night. Then he said something that broke my heart even more. He said, “There is nothing wrong with you. I am not saying that we are not meant to be together, and I love you to death, but right now I have to say no.” In other words, a man can find the woman that he is meant to be with and still let her go because of an occupation that causes no separation between the two. He can acknowledge that a woman loves him, and means no harm against him, and only wants to be his, and still let her go. It kind of made me feel like some leftovers. Yes, you are wonderful for me, but I do not want you at the moment, maybe later on, if I remember you exist. I cried for about twenty hours and then decided to jump back into the mentality I had before the reunion. I must think about me now. When someone asks me how am I doing, I do not want my response to be determined by my feelings for a man. I am twenty five. Some people think I am old, and some people think that I am young. Sometimes I feel like I should have been married by now, with children, and a college degree upon my mantle. But Mama tells me not to judge my life by the conditions of society. I want to be a writer. I want to see what this “modeling thing” may be about. And I am going to write from the depths of my heart and post it here.

” Hey I know it’s kinda hard
And maybe this time it will never end
Hit and run lover back in your heart
Answered prayers you should never have sent

Cause now that your in his arms babe
You know you’re just in his way
Suckered by his fatal charm, oh girl
It’s time we get away.”

– “Unmade Bed” Sonic Youth

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