Once again, my thoughts have disrupted my slumber. Sometimes, we can be our worst enemy, especially when we start having those things called thoughts. I think I may love too hard. There is no in between with me. I was raised to have passion in everything that I do. When I speak, I want others to understand me. When I am a friend, I want a friendship in return. And when I choose to love, well everyone wants love in return. So, at 5:38 am on a morning where I should be snuggled up with my little puppy, I am up thinking about these things. My mother tells me all the time that all of my loved ones believe in me and my talents, I am the only person that does not believe. I still carry the complex of self-doubt because it was authenticated and drilled inside of me during an abusive time in my life.So, I cannot see myself. I cannot see my talents or gifts, because at one point I was told that they were meaningless. How does one erase these lies and move on? How dare I let another earthly being destroy or degrade what God has given me? I was a loner as a child, and all I had were my words and my thoughts. So in turn, I can internalize my emotions, especially the sad ones, and they all can hit me at once. I feel like there are great things to come. But, I have to believe in me, so these great things can occur.
These are the thoughts of a woman at 5:38 am.